Have you ever spent time with someone and walked away feeling a little more motivated than you did before?

Maybe they told you about something they’re building. Maybe they finally applied for the job they’d been talking about. Maybe they casually mentioned raising their rates, going back to school, starting a business, or doing something you’d quietly been considering yourself.

And suddenly you think, Wait. Maybe I could do that too.

That’s not an accident.

The people you spend time with have a way of influencing what feels normal, what’s worth pursuing, and even what you believe you’re capable of.

And we’re not talking about the old “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” quote that has been floating around the internet forever.

It’s a little more nuanced than that.

Your relationships don’t determine your future. But they absolutely help shape the way you see it.

We Pick Up More From Each Other Than We Realize

Think about how easily behaviors spread within a group.

One friend starts going on morning walks, and suddenly everyone has a step goal.

Someone joins a book club, and three months later you’re discussing a novel you definitely would not have finished on your own.

Your coworker starts bringing lunch instead of ordering it every day, and you find yourself doing the same.

We naturally pick up cues from the people around us. That includes the way we think about work, money, opportunities, confidence, and what’s possible.

When you’re regularly around people who talk openly about their ideas, take chances, ask questions, admit when they don’t know something, and try again when something doesn’t work, those behaviors start to feel a little more normal.

And that’s powerful.

Sometimes You Need to See Someone Else Do It First

There are plenty of things that seem intimidating until you know someone who’s actually done them.

Starting a business can sound terrifying.

Then you meet someone who started one from her kitchen table.

Changing careers at 40 can sound unrealistic.

Then a friend does exactly that.

Asking for a raise can feel incredibly uncomfortable.

Then a coworker tells you how she prepared for the conversation and got one.

Seeing someone else do something doesn’t magically make it easy. But it can make it feel possible.

There’s research behind this idea, too. Psychologists have long studied what’s called social modeling – essentially, the way observing other people’s behavior can influence our own beliefs and actions.

Albert Bandura’s work on self-efficacy found that seeing people similar to us succeed through sustained effort can strengthen our own belief that we’re capable of succeeding, too.

In normal-person language?

Sometimes watching another woman go for it gives you the little nudge you needed to go for it yourself.

Ambition Doesn’t Have to Mean “More”

There’s another piece of this conversation that’s important.

Being around ambitious people doesn’t mean you need to become obsessed with promotions, revenue goals, job titles, or building the next billion-dollar company.

Ambition can look like a lot of things.

Maybe you want to grow your business.

Maybe you want to work four days a week.

Maybe you want to finally write the book.

Maybe you want a job that pays you well and lets you pick your kids up from school.

Maybe your big goal right now is to become really, really good at what you already do.

The right people don’t tell you what your ambition should look like.

They make you feel comfortable talking about what you want.

That’s an important distinction.

Pay Attention to How You Feel After Spending Time With People

Here’s a simple exercise: start noticing how you feel after certain conversations.

Not whether someone is “successful enough” to deserve a place in your life. That’s not what this is about.

Ask yourself:

• Do I leave our conversations energized or drained?
• Can I talk about an idea before I’ve figured out every detail?
• Does this person ask questions that make me think?
• Can we celebrate each other’s wins without making it weird?
• Do I feel comfortable admitting when something isn’t going well?
• Does this relationship make my world feel bigger or smaller?

Nobody needs to check every box. Your best friend doesn’t need to become your business mentor, and your coworker doesn’t need to inspire a life-changing revelation every time you grab lunch.

Different people serve different roles in your life.

But it’s worth noticing whether you have anyone around you who makes you think a little bigger.

You Need People Who Will Tell You the Truth, Too

There’s a difference between having supportive people around you and having people who agree with everything you say.

You need cheerleaders.

You also need the friend who lovingly says, “Okay… but have you actually thought this through?”

The person who asks why you’re charging so little.

The person who tells you that you’ve been complaining about the same situation for six months and maybe it’s time to do something about it.

The person who will celebrate your big idea and still point out the giant hole in your plan.

That’s community, too.

Real support isn’t constantly telling someone they’re right. Sometimes it’s caring enough to ask a better question.

So… Where Do You Find These People?

This is usually the hard part.

Making connections as an adult can feel weirdly similar to dating. You know you’d like to meet people, but nobody really explains where you’re supposed to find them.

And “network more” isn’t particularly helpful advice.

Start with places where you already have something in common.

Try a professional organization related to your industry. Attend a workshop. Volunteer for something you care about. Take a class. Join a recreational sports league. Try a coworking space (🙋‍♀️). Go to the event you normally talk yourself out of attending.

And when you get there, don’t put pressure on yourself to “network.”

Just talk to someone.

Ask what they’re working on.

Ask how they got into what they do.

Ask what they’re excited about right now.

Real relationships usually start with curiosity, not a perfectly rehearsed elevator pitch.

Don’t Forget About the People You Already Know

Your next great connection might not be someone new.

Think about the people you’ve lost touch with.

The former coworker you always liked.

The woman you met at an event six months ago and genuinely meant to get coffee with.

The old friend who’s doing something interesting.

The person whose posts you always enjoy but haven’t spoken to in years.

Send the text.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to reach out. Want to grab coffee sometime?”

It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that.

Be That Person for Someone Else

There’s one more side to this.

While you’re thinking about who inspires, challenges, and encourages you, ask yourself what kind of energy you’re bringing into other people’s lives.

Share the opportunity.

Make the introduction.

Tell someone how you negotiated the raise.

Talk about the thing that didn’t work, too.

Encourage the friend who’s sitting on a good idea.

Ask the question that helps someone see something differently.

You never really know which conversation is going to stick with someone.

The woman sitting across from you might be thinking, Maybe I could do that too.

Your Environment Matters

You don’t need to replace your friends with CEOs.

Please don’t. That sounds exhausting.

You also don’t need to turn every relationship into a networking opportunity.

But you do need people in your world who remind you that growth is possible.

People who are curious.

People who are trying things.

People who aren’t embarrassed to admit they don’t have everything figured out.

People who celebrate when something works and help you regroup when it doesn’t.

That’s one of the reasons community matters so much, especially when you’re building a business, working remotely, changing careers, or figuring out what you want next.

Sometimes you don’t need another podcast, course, productivity system, or perfectly color-coded plan.

Sometimes you just need to sit across from someone who makes you think:

Maybe I could do that, too.

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